Would-a, Could-a, Should-a

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do, I saw it through without exemption.
Lyrics from, “My Way”

Arm-chair quarterbacking your life is quite common the older you get. You see your life at its present state and begin to wonder, “If I had to do it all over again, would I, could I, should I…(fill in the blank).” Rarely do people take the time to consider this: Who freaking cares except you?

Yeah, I know this is harsh. But you need to snap out of it. Life, all of life, is about how we faced the circumstances of choice. You are today the product of your choices. Anything that you might have done differently then would not be reflected in who you are now.

Consider this one paradox: What if you had in your past made that different choice at some critical moment, it would have led your life on a completely different trajectory. Today, on that different trajectory, would you now be thinking about what your life would have been like had you made the decision you actually made? Would you long for an opportunity to change a life to resemble where you’re truly at today? If you can long for a change in your present condition, you can surely do it in a different condition.

A lot of people live with regrets. Their present mental state is reliving the past. They are on an endless re-run of their past life, ignoring what is going on right in front of them. The moment, the now isn’t today, it’s yesterday, yesteryear. The life they’re living is simply a life they lived.

Trauma, I recognize, can force a person into this cycle. (Been there, done that and even own the T-shirt concession for it.) These moments and ordeals invade lives like a Mongrel horde and leave in their wake desolation and shattered people. It takes time to rebuild and recover all the while realizing that life will never be the same again, ever. Some things, like your innocence, you lose for good no matter how much you long for its return. Trying to rationalize regrets within the context of times like these is pointless. You’re doing your best with what you know in the moment just trying to keep your head above the water line of tears which are crashing in around you.

It’s the other minor moments in life where most get stuck. They’re only minor in the sense that they don’t break your bones or poke out an eye. Moments where a comment was made, a look was given, a gesture was acknowledged that later clouded a thought or belief. These are moments that initiated mixed emotions, a duality of personal intentions for a response, which was never fully realized or appropriated in the end. These moments, left to simmer in a stew pot of reflection cast a bitter aroma which often rips out your heart when the lid of bygones is lifted.

People don’t need excuses for being who they are, they need them for not being who others expect them to be. Regrets often play on not living up to the expectations of others. Many will deny that they place any criteria on how you should live your life, but come on, we know this isn’t factual. We all seem to be able to handle the demands that our employers place on us to perform in some capacity. Yet it’s those who allow us to be ourselves that create such difficulty. The reason is simply because we don’t know who we are. We don’t know how we should respond or react when given the freedom to be truly us.

Let me ask you a few questions. Do you feel comfortable around someone who is crying? Are you able to be at peace when another is angrily yelling profanities at you? Are you content to be next to someone without speaking? Can you graciously smile at strangers while they unravel the mess of their life before you?

Most people would look at these questions with disdain because they believe that they are required to respond in some manner. However, I placed no expectation there. I simply asked the questions, they supplied the metric of action. Being is not about actions, actions are a result of being you in the moment. I didn’t ask you to do something I wanted to know if you can be someone.

Would-a, could-a, should-a is another metric of performance lost. Once a decision is made and a response is generated the entire field of potential possibilities collapses no longer able to influence the course made by the response. The journey is afoot. A second guess merely delays the voyage at the start, but later, well it’s like wondering if you’re going to fall off the edge of the world simply because the daily view is the same. It’s the “sameness” of being that is driving you to boredom. No one likes to realize that they have been cast adrift in life by their decisions to respond in the moment, particularly if their decision of being was influenced by an outside force. Most don’t mind the boat of their choosing, it other’s we have issues with.

Meaning, purpose, reason. Each pulls at us as we bob around the seas of life asking – no, crying out, “why me?” or “what does this all mean?” At these moments we find little comfort in passages which claim that we were created for good works, or that God is able to make all things work out for those who love him and are called for his purposes. There is no solace in the mind-numbing sameness of today, so we search for it from where we’ve been. We prefer to see the shoals of lost potentials rather than the hope-filled possibilities of new shores.

This moment belongs to you and no one else. Your past is just that, past. Holding on to it is like trying to hold water in your hand, you constantly have to keep filling it from what is lost. You are right now, everything you have ever needed to be. What lies ahead is prepared for who you are now, not what you might have been. Your past has been the tempering furnace required to strengthen you for the contest ahead. It’s time to quench all your doubts and see the edge you have been given for today. Be sharp and not dull of hearing.