Elephant in the Room

Walk into any church across the landscape of religion and you can fit in real nice – accept for the elephant, which seems to take up the majority of the room, is going to cause you to get a little closer to people than you might really want too. Don’t be concerned, no one really pays attention to the elephant. You on the other hand…

Look around – really look – you’re not going to think there is anything abnormal. Elephants do that, they change perceptions. As a matter of fact, almost everyone you will see looks just like the people you work with, the students in your class, the servers at restaurant, and clerks at the grocery store. They look, but more importantly, they, even you, act alike. Elephants cause us to respond alike, how else can you maneuver around them without bumping into one another.

The grace movement has one inescapable truth: Everyone, no matter who or what their history, is included. There are no exclusions, period. Even elephants. Actually, the elephant in the room is the most “grace” event the earth has ever experienced. Everyone, smallest to biggest, obscure to prominent, walk around tethered to this grace-filled elephant.

You know the trouble with elephants in a room? No one wants to be the first to say it’s there. Some have even developed the knack to feign they are present at all even when they’re acting up. And it seems when elephants are acting up the most is when people are most ignorant to their presence, kind of an “out-of-sight-out-of-mind” thing.

So, what is this elephant we are all so attuned towards yet remiss in the social graces to acknowledge? Suffering.

We live in an age of improvement, self-help, arm-chair psychiatry. The majority of the church plunders the pages of the bible trying to find a prescription to an elephant-size issue which the entirety of humanity has faced since the dawning of self-discovery, continues to face today in massive proportions, and will continue to experience for time eternal it seems. Suffering.

Across our televisions we witness the atrocities of war inflicted upon non-combatants and think nothing of it simply because it doesn’t involve me and my four. However, the bread basket of this nation will sit on rapt attention every Sunday and listen to sermon after sermon about the battle we are fighting against the kingdoms of darkness. Who truly is suffering? Those who have lost limbs and loved ones or those who have lost their minds in the BS of religiosity? (Maybe both, the latter know viscerally, the former…)

Suffering varies for all. It may take the appearance of a medical condition; a failing business, a failing marriage or relationship; lack of finances or insurance; drug abuse; emotional and physical abuse; people who don’t think things through or those that over-think the simplest matters; political affiliations or social justice infractions; death of a loved one or the death of an estranged member of the family who left so many questions unanswered.

It is foolish to quantify suffering. Life, in case you haven’t realized yet, is not a game won by points accrued. I know people who deal 24/7 with massive medical/mental issues, yet the sufferings of their life come when an order for coffee isn’t correct! All hell has been turned loose on them because whip cream was added. It takes them years to recover from the trauma.

Why? This is the golden question of all suffering. It typically comes on the throws of a bout of high anxiety. “Why me? Why this? Why now? Why not so-and-so?” (That last iteration never is spoken as much as implied. Don’t deny it; we’ve all been there.) The answer to this question is not simple. But there are 3 basic reasons for the suffering.

1. You’re stupid. Not very encouraging I know, but if you don’t know, you don’t know. Stupid may not be the politically correct term to use but it gets the point across. You’re the reason, period. Your decisions and actions resulted in the suffering you’re experiencing. Sure, one or two of these might have been correct, however, suffering which is self-inflicted is the cumulative effect of stupidity.

2. You’re a victim. This suffering comes at the hands of another agent, often inadvertently, but can also be a result of malicious intent. Most who experience this form of suffering make every effort to overcome. There are those few who, regrettably, will see this as a reward, a badge of honor, and chose to remain rather than move on. See reason 1.

3. You’re human. This is the most denied reason by those in church. “I’m a spiritual being having a human experience,” is often the glib quote uttered as evidence to this denial. Without having to resort to reason 1, let me inform you that everything is spiritual, including your suffering. Here is a cherry-picked bible verse to confirm it.

1Pe 5:10-11
(10) But the God of all grace, who hath called us to his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.
(11) To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

First, understand that this passage is part of a prayer; that is what “Amen” indicates. Who prays for someone to suffer? Well, apparently someone who recognizes that it is spiritual to do so. Notice that suffering lasts for a while, not eternally. Yes, it might last a lifetime, but not eternally. (I know, that is not very encouraging, but it removes the ability of us to say that this suffering has been going on forever.)

This verse gives us the answer to why humans suffer. Yes, it applies to agnostics, atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslim, Jews, Mormons, Jehovah Witness, democrats, republicans, socialists, communist, libertarians, hell, even Baptists, Protestants and Catholics get in on the actions. You’re probably not going to like this answer, so you better sit down or at least brace yourself.

All of us would like to feel established in our lives, settled in ever activity, strengthened in our character so that we could call ourselves perfect. This, regrettably, does not happen without suffering. Some suffering you’re experiencing right now is leveling you (it’s okay to admit it); you’re all shaky-wobblily, like a table on stone pavement. Your suffering is intended to make you firm and stable. It’s not going to prop you up but wear down the high spots which are causing you to tilt in the wind.

The biggest casualty to suffering that we all experience is the degrading blows our ego takes. We like to think of ourselves as indestructible, superman able to… Wake up and smell the coffee-scented roses, tiger. Suffering is designed to knock us down a few pegs in the ego department. As great as you might think you are, there is coming a moment which will hack off another inch of your self-imposed stature, despite how much you’ve been whittled down already. You’re not there yet – but you’re making good progress, right?

Look, the church has succumbed to the faith trap in order to deal with suffering. The trap – speaking those things that be not as though they are – closes the eyes to the reality of the situation, some which require immediate action to keep them from escalating into thermonuclear destruction. Congregants plaster fake smiles on their faces, rub palms with illusive people and praise God for the marvelous blessing they’re all waiting to receive if they could just get out of their daily hell by the skin of their teeth.

Consider this: Jesus tells his disciples that he his sending his Spirit to them, a Spirit he calls the Comforter. This is not a wool afghan designed to keep the chill off you in the wee hours of the morning, folks. People who suffer need comfort and the person who provides it is the Comforter. Also, why is Jesus referred to in the book of Isaiah as the suffering servant? Because…he…suffers? Right. God, in the human body of Jesus, suffered. “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” He suffered our stupidity, a human victim of our insufferable humanity.

I did not write this to be uplifting (obviously) or over-bearing (hopefully). Practicality is missing in most churches simply because we feel more willing to live with elephants than with flesh and blood experiencing life’s ebb and flow. The inclusive nature of God is to accept suffering as an authentic badge of humanity; it is the signpost of suffering that most of us are willing to disregard while proclaiming a “kingdom lifestyle.” It is however, the purest form of grace we all experience. We all have the grace to suffer. Elephants not included.