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The faint to blaring shrills of my mother often ring in my head during times of conflict. \u201cYou tell them you\u2019re sorry!\u201d \u201cYou go over there right now and apologize for your behavior!\u201d<\/strong><\/em> These two seem to be the most prominent ones, but any others always employ the same action: say you\u2019re sorry and apologize.<\/p>\n I\u2019m fairly certain that you\u2019ve experienced the same treatment for some action you accomplished with great pride, only to have it rendered invalid by, \u201cSay you\u2019re sorry and apologize.\u201d Begrudgingly, you probably did the same thing I did, slowly shuffled off toward the injured party, head hanging low, softly mumbled the obligatory phrase which leads to the redemption of your character, all the while knowing, deep down inside, you didn\u2019t feel that what you were doing was right.<\/p>\n These are difficult lessons to learn as a child, however, the adults always remind us that this will be of benefit to us when we grow up. Then you meet someone who takes your breath away, who causes your body to vibrate in mysterious ways, and who, regrettably, stands at the opposite end of a small disagreement waiting for you to redeem your character, despite the implanted gnawing feel that this just ain\u2019t right. What to do, what to do? (said to the rhythm of the tapping foot waiting\u2026and waiting.)<\/p>\n Have you ever considered what \u201csorry\u201d and \u201capology\u201d truly mean? Did your mother ever explain to you the difference or gist of what your act was conveying? Mine didn\u2019t, at least not that I recall during any of the times I was coerced into making these pronouncements. And, actually when I look back at my child rearing days, I don\u2019t recall explaining this to any of my kids either. (Some today may interpret that revelation as an example of the woes of poor child rearing, both from my parents who it passed down to me, and I to my children. However, I survived the generation of the belt, worn on pants which occassionally graced your seat, which those same interpreters view as an archaic form of corporeal punishment venturing into child abuse, both at home and in the car. Get over it, I did.) Back to the matter at hand.<\/p>\n You pop some punk in the mouth. Are you sorry? Too violent an example? Ok, well\u2026you trip over the dog and fall against the end table causing the heirloom vase from a great aunt to fall and shatter into a thousand shards of aggravation. Are you sorry? Before you plop the default response into the lap of a hysterical relative, do you know what \u201csorry\u201d means? Dictionary please. Sorry<\/strong> means:<\/p>\n 1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.:<\/em> The first definition employs the word \u201cregret.\u201d Every time I hear that word I recall the line from that famous Frank Sinatra song, My Way<\/em>, which says, \u201c\u2026Regrets, I\u2019ve had a few; but too few to mention\u2026\u201d<\/em> If Frank, who lived a pretty amazing life, only had a few regrets and wouldn\u2019t even mention them, this vase, if it\u2019s my way, is not on my regret list. This also goes for \u201ccompunction\u201d which has to do with anxiety over a regret. No regret, no anxiety \u2013 easy peasy.<\/p>\n Sorry, for most people, means to be sorrowful, grieved, or sad. Honestly, most occurrences where these types of feelings and emotions are being displayed, seem for the most part, to be coming from the relative with the look of horror on their face. So, I\u2019d say that they need to tell me they\u2019re sorry, right? The more I think about it, parents, or order to set this entire matter right, need to impress upon their children to go up to people and tell them, \u201cYou\u2019re sorry,\u201d rather than, \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u2019\u201d which obviously the child isn\u2019t, and never has been throughout this matter. Since telling the truth is an important lesson too, this will help the child to know how what they do in these matters is right when you tell people how their demeanor shows that they are sorry or sorrowful. Parents need to be ready to explain to their child that the exclamation of, \u201cYou poor, useless and pitiful wretch,\u201d is not intended as a claim about the child but how this person really feels about themselves in their sorrowful state.<\/p>\n So, this brings us to the term \u201capologize\u201d which is the action form of the word \u201capology.\u201d Since your understanding of \u201csorry\u201d has been torn apart and reassembled into its proper context, let\u2019s call upon the dictionary once again to offer to us the meaning. Apology<\/strong> means:<\/p>\n 1. a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another:<\/em> I\u2019ve already dealt with the regret issue and also the matter of stating that the someone who is sorry or sorrowful is not the one who is required to make a false confession. A defense for my actions, a justification of why I popped Jonnie in the nose for being a stupid person who insulted me, that might be a bit much for a child who can\u2019t write very clearly and has already been judged and convicted by a parent trying to keep the peace with the neighbors. Even when I\u2019m standing toe to toe with that sweet thing and look into those eyes enraged with hormones\u2026there is no way my defense will be viewed as anything but an excuse from an inferior specimen who can be substituted by someone else. In those moments it is best to act as Socrates and just drink the poison.<\/p>\n Do you see how we have messed with the minds of our children? \u201cGo apologize and say you\u2019re sorry.\u201d No wonder it never feels right. It isn\u2019t, plain and simple! No child, and no adult, should be put in such a confounding predicament where being wrong is viewed right.<\/p>\n Now I know that some of you justification folks will jump all over my seeming dismissal of an apology because the purpose of an \u201capology\u201d according to the first definition is to address the matter with someone who you have insulted, failed, injured or wronged. I truly believe that in each of these instances, an apology is not what is the answer. How? Consider that any defense offered for your actions, even if completely justified in a court of law, will never be fairly judged by your peers. The person you are petitioning, the injured one, is the judge and jury, and despite what you may think about fairness, they have spite for you. Don\u2019t try to seem righteousness now that I have exposed this little chink in the old apology armor. How many times have you said, \u201cI don\u2019t accept your apology,\u201d when one was faithfully offered?<\/p>\n Please forgive me if I stepped on anyone\u2019s toes with my hobnailed boots. You see what I did there? Therein lies the answer. It is the path never offered to children, rarely employed by adults and seemingly mysterious in nature when presented before someone. Forgiveness. Can you offer it to another and receive it for yourself? God never asked you to apologize for killing his son, did he? God fully recognizes that Christians are a sorry bunch of people and every new believer becomes sorry too. But Jesus asked the Father to forgive us \u2013 all of us. Why? According to Jesus, because we don\u2019t know what we\u2019re doing. Much hasn\u2019t changed since then and forgiveness still covers all the foibles we make with people.<\/p>\n Forgiveness permits us to act like God. After all, isn\u2019t that truly, deep down inside what most of us want to be, God? Paul even commands us to act like God just like little children do. Ask for forgiveness when you\u2019ve insulted someone. Ask for forgiveness when you\u2019ve failed someone. Ask for forgiveness when you\u2019ve injured someone. Ask for forgiveness when you\u2019ve wronged someone. It\u2019s not a defense; it\u2019s a statement of the truth of who you are and how you blew it. Hopefully you\u2019ll do better next time.<\/p>\n \u201cBut what if they don\u2019t forgive me?\u201d There is the remote chance that someone just doesn\u2019t want to be like God. They probably realize that God is love and right now they find it hard to love you. Can you forgive them for that? Can you show them that you know how to forgive yourself when you least likely need to be forgiven? Show what you have received to one who does not want to easily give and watch a miracle develop right before your eyes. It\u2019s simple to say, yet hard to follow through on unless you\u2019re committed to the relationship.<\/p>\n There is always a cross to remind us no apology works. We can\u2019t justify our sorry selves. So, let\u2019s quit thinking we can and bluffing our kids about it too. Kids know it ain\u2019t right and they\u2019ll forgive you for being\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The faint to blaring shrills of my mother often ring in my head during times of conflict. \u201cYou tell them you\u2019re sorry!\u201d \u201cYou go over there right now and apologize for your behavior!\u201d These two seem to be the most … Continue reading
\n 2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic:<\/em>
\n 3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad:<\/em>
\n 4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; melancholy; dismal.<\/em>
\n 5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful:<\/em><\/p>\n
\n 2. a defense, excuse, or justification in speech or writing, as for a cause or doctrine.<\/em>
\n 3. (initial capital letter, italics) a dialogue by Plato, centering on Socrates’ defense before the tribunal that condemned him to death.<\/em>
\n 4. an inferior specimen or substitute; makeshift:<\/em><\/p>\n